Saturday, 21 July 2012

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I'm waiting for my man..... It's not just you Lou Reed, it's all I seem to do anymore! He is ALWAYS late.

There's nothing like waiting for someone to make you feel more alone. If I was single, or knew I wouldn't see him today, I would have arranged to see a friend or visit my Mum. But waiting is the worst thing on earth. I think I made it worse by being stubborn and ignoring my phone all day. My thinking was that if I don't check my phone every 5 minutes, and just imagine he's not coming at all, it'll be a nice surprise when he does show up. It also means, when he tries to arrange to come round even later than he said he was going to, I have no way of knowing that. Lose-lose for me really. And makes me more angry when he doesn't show up and I end up waiting longer.

It's not his fault, just to be clear, he has family to take care of and he volunteers. That doesn't make me feel much better though. I want to be near my family and friends and drop in on them when he's busy, but I can't because they're an hour away.

If I lived in the same city as all my friends, or somewhere I felt more at home, it wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately I live in Leicester, a place I've only lived for 9 months, and commute out of the city so I don't know either place very well. I just feel a bit lost living here, I don't have any memories anywhere. Perhaps that's my own fault for moving away. I put my career before my own feelings of security and feeling at home. I am glad I did it though, mostly so that my Dad got to see me become a teacher and have a proper career before he passed away. That was important to me.

I guess I need to find a way to make Leicester feel more like a home, or to occupy myself. Sharing a house with strangers doesn't help with this as I tend to spend hours in my room rather than roaming around the house, making myself feel more isolated. Perhaps I should set myself projects like going to the park and taking photos, or going for a long walk. It's not the same walking without a dog though. I want one of these...

 Affenpinscher (which is German for Monkey-Hound)

Kind of ugly-cute, like a pug. And doesn't need brushing.

Any tips from people who have successfully moved away from their home city alone? It's been harder than I ever imagined it would be. Not alone does my new home not feel like home, my old one doesn't anymore either.


Clarkey said...

Hi :)
Just read this from tsr... I have recently moved from my town in ENgland to Bangkok in THailand on my own, not knowing anyone in the country prior to moving... The thing that has helped me is getting to know collegues and there's a great concept called couchsurfing that I have been to the meetings and met people that way (best thing I've done!). Google for some groups nearby of things you are interested in and you will soon find like minded people. I'm out going but in large crowds of big persnoalities I seem to stay quiet, so just put yourself out there! what have you got to lose?

Lady Lazarus said...

I've heard of couchsurfing when I was in Mexico. I have made friends at work, but I commute so I can't see them all the time. Will take your advice and try to join some groups though!